Are you a bitter baby mama?

Are you a bitter baby mama? Ask any mother this question and each and everyone of them will deny it. For many mothers, the answer could be the truth. They may have no resentment or ill feelings toward the father of their child/children. However, there are some mothers who are bitter and use the child as a pawn to hurt the child's father.

For some reason some mothers are proud to be a part of the "Bitter Baby Mama" club, even though they will deny their membership. They feel the title gives them a sense of empowerment. They believe that they will always have a sufficient place in their child's father's life. This can be considered true because the parents of a child will have to interact and co-parent for the rest of their lives, however this is not the sense of entitlement that they believe having a child affords them. Some mothers believe that having a child entitles them to act a dayum fool. Although, there are many factors we could analyze to determine whether a mother can be considered a bitter baby mama, I've reduced it to 3: Control, Complaints, and Concerns. And I'll use an example, to illustrate the points.

I have a friend, let's call him Mystery, who got a young lady pregnant that he wasn't in a relationship with. The young lady, who we'll name Jasmine, informed him from the beginning she wanted to keep the baby. They decided to face their responsibly and co-parent the child. However, from that moment Jasmine insisted that she and Mystery should try a relationship for the benefit of their child. Mystery made it clear that he didn't want a relationship with her. Two months before she found out she was pregnant, they had actually stopped talking. Based on the brief relationship they had, Mystery felt that they were not compatible. Throughout the remaining months of pregnancy, Jasmine continued to ask about a relationship. Once she began to realize that even a baby wouldn't ignite a relationship between them, she started to use the pregnancy as a pawn to CONTROL him.

Often she would make sudden and ridiculous request, and tell him it was a "test" to determine if he would be a good father. One time she lied and said she was in labor and about to have the baby. She did it to see how fast he would coming running to her aid. The pregnancy was filled with faux, hoax, and lies to appease the hurt she felt knowing that even a baby would not force him to be in a relationship with her.

Once the baby was born, it only got worse. She would designate times that he could see his child outside of her presence. If she wasn't present he could only keep his child for an hour or so. He was never able to keep the baby for an entire night. She would opt to come get the baby, who was less than a month old, at 2am instead of letting the baby spend the night with his father. He didn't have a choice in the baby's name, when he could spend time with the baby, or selecting childcare. Jasmine controlled all aspects of the baby's life and expected Mystery to accept her choices. If he didn't she would tell him, he wasn't a good father. She would make COMPLAINTS that Mystery wasn't committed to co-parenting.

Jasmine would complain when Mystery didn't fully agree with her choices. Using the example about picking the baby up at 2am, when Mystery told Jasmine he wouldn't take the baby if she was going to pick him up at 2 am because it was unsafe, she called him a deadbeat. Picking up a infant at 2am, after you have been partying and drinking is unsafe, and was a responsible call on the father's part. However, that didn't matter to her. She allowed her bitterness to cloud her judgement and her CONCERNS.

Daily, Jasmine would direct her concerns to Mystery's personal life. She would ask if he was still dating his new girlfriend, his whereabouts, and occasionally ask him for sex. Since the answers weren't what she wanted to hear, she would block his number for 2 or 3 days, or deny him visitation with his child. Eventually, she began to start threatening him with child support, even though he was taking care of his child. On the contrary, he welcomed the idea because it meant that he could get court ordered visitation. Eventually, that's exactly what happened and all of it worked out in his favor.

I share this story because it's many women out there who may still be in love with the child's father, have bitterness, or hold some type of resentment towards him. However, your child's livelihood SHOULD be the most important aspect of your parenthood. Both parents can provide a well rounded child hood, if they co-parent. This is severely needed in the black community. If you are harboring resentment toward your child's father, LET IT GO. Clearly, resentment is preventing you from being the BEST parent to your child. The anger is not only affecting the father, it's affecting you and your child. Be real with yourself, and ask "are you creating a barrier that prevents a GOOD FATHER from seeing his child/children?"Are you excessively controlling? Are your complaints fabricated? Are your concerns misplaced? If the answer is yes, in any capacity, then you need to evaluate how you can change for the benefit of the child/children and for yourself. "It is only when a wound is left untreated that it becomes infected." Let go of the resentment and allow yourself to heal.



Thank you for reading!!! Comment and/or email me at PreciousTruthz@gmail.com.