Many of my friends believe that I have a knack for understanding them and giving them advice, based on my understanding of how they operate. So, they always ask me for advice, which often encourages me to write.
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend and we were discussing whether or not she should stop messing with the guy she has been dating for 3 years. Although she swore it was love, I knew she was dickmatized. We started discussing, how to decipher the difference between being in love and being dickmatized. I came to a few elements we could use to determine it: time, behavior, and reciprocation.
My friend, let's call her Patience, was dealing with a man for 3 years. Throughout 3 years he had giving her an outstanding amount of headaches, without even committing to her. They were never in an official relationship. Based on everything that she continued to allow him to do, I came to the conclusion that she was dickmatized.
Patience met Taylor 3 years ago. From the beginning, Taylor made it clear that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Although, he was in a relationship previous to meeting Patience, at this time he stated he wasn't ready to be in a relationship again. At first this was cool, because when you first start dating a person, you're not sure it's gonna work out, so you're not pressed about a relationship. However, after a few months you begin to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. Of course, after a few months, Patience was infatuated with the penis and wanted it all to herself. She began to press Taylor about being monogamous, but he still insisted that he wasn't ready. He would ask, "what would be different?" and she didn't have an answer. Ironically, he was telling her so much in that sentence.
It didn't matter if they labeled it a relationship, because he was still going to mess with other women. He was still going to be unaffectionate, outside of sex. He was still not going to take her on dates, and the majority of their meet-ups were still going to be at her house. For the first three years of their relationship, she had never been to his house. He never even invited her. His excuse was that he lived with his parents, who were old school and they didn't like that he brought over women. However, his previous girlfriend, who he now had a child by was more than welcome. Did I mention he was still messing with this ex? A few times patience had went through his phone, and saw that Taylor was still sexting his ex, and was flirting with other women. But, what could she say? His response was always they are not in a relationship. In the course of 3 years, Taylor had put Patience through the ringer. He had gotten another women pregnant, although he had insisted that he didn't want anymore kids when she had told him she wanted one. She had multiple arguments and altercations with both baby mothers, and he didn't treat her the way she wanted to be treated. She constantly overextended her self to prove to him that she was relationship material. She wanted to prove that she was all Taylor needed. However, it never worked. It never worked, because that was never Taylor's plan.
If you asked her why she stayed for 3 years, she would state it was because she loved him. Unfortunately, I knew that it was because she was dickmatized. Like the old folks say, the proof is in the pudding. If you analyze the elements of dickamatization, you could clearly see that Patience was dickmatized.
Time
Time is a key factor in determining dickamatization. In my opinion, 1-2 years is not enough time to love someone so much that you put up with being cheated on and being treated less than you deserve. You can not convince me that in one year you love a person so much that you will give up your sanity and accept being given the bare minimum. After 5 plus years, there may be some extreme ties between a person and their spouse that prevent them from separating, such has finances, mortgage, joint back accounts or kids. However, 365 days fly past, and in that amount of time there is no significant factors that prevent you from leaving. Unless pregnancy occurs, but even then you dont have to put up with drama just because you have a kid together.
Behavior
If your behavior can be considered irrational then you could be dickmatized. Patience would argue with Taylor about the way he treated her, and tell him that he needed to treat her the way she wanted to be treated. This would make Taylor mad and he would ignore her. She would end up apologizing to him, although she wasn't in the wrong for expressing to him how she should be treated. Patience would come up with excuses for Taylor's behavior. She would go out of her way to make sure he was good. If he needed money she would provide it. She would give him husband benefits, even though they wasn't in a relationship. If you are behaving in a way that a drug addict does, in the name of love, then you are dickmatized. Especially, if the person you are dealing with is not reciprocating any of your behaviors.
Reciporocation
Throughout the 3 years, Taylor has not given Patience the same amount of love and affection that she has given him. He gave her the bare minimum. You could count the amount of times they went out on one hand. It didn't seem to affect him when she was mad or sad. He didn't go out of his way to make sure she was ok, they way she always made sure he was ok. He never made an effort to meet her family and friends. He did not reciprocate what she dished out. This is an essential element in deciphering if a person is dickmatized. If you are being treated like Patience, what is it that you are really in love with? He doesn't treat you like you are a goddess, he doesn't court you, he still messes with other woman, and he can be an asshole from time to time. If this is the case, then love is definitely not the reason you have remained this guys door mat. The only reasonable explanation is being dickmatized.
Dickmatized can be defined as a person being obsessed with dick. This obsession causes a person to do things that they wouldn't usually do. They become irrational and although everyone else can see that they are whipped, they can not. If you can see yourself in anything that I described, and have become aware that you are dickmatized, you need to get out now. See your worth and find someone who may be worth all the effort you're giving now.
Patience still can't see that she is dickmatized, even after I broke it down to her. However, I know that she is dickmatized because I use to be in her shoes. When I was in the thick of it, I couldn't see that I was dickmatized either. Now, I sit back and ask myself, what made me love that man so much that I acted in such a way? My responses always come up empty. There was no reason why I cared for him so much. He didn't treat me great. He was always talking to other women, we never went on dates, and I hardly met any of his family. The one thing we did have was great sex,which lead me to understand I was dickmatized. It took me years to leave that man alone, but it was the best decision I have made. I can only encourage Patience to leave Taylor alone. Ultimately, it's up to her to figure it out and decide that she deserves love.
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-Precious Truthz
