The one situation you don’t want to explain to your toddler.

“Mommy, Where’s my daddy?” That question would be easy for a child with a father who lives in the same home, or even in the same city, but for me that question made me fumble over thoughts in my head. How to simplify the vast answers in to toddler terms; an explanation that would allow a 2 year old to understand and be satisfied with an answer?
This question has had the same effect on many mothers in my community. Seems to be the story of dozens of women in all urban areas alike. There are hundreds (if not thousands) of women in all types of nationalities that are plagued with the missing daddy virus but stereotypes and movies has our minds automatically picturing a black family when you hear “She’s a single mother, the fathers in jail”.
My son’s father was arrested when my son was 2. My son and his father was really close and when his father was arrested there was a big difference in his character. I tried to explain to him as easy as I could that his dad was being bad and that Dad was going to be in time out for a while. Which I thought would be understandable until my son started being bad. He said “ I want to go to jail so I can be with daddy” After that I knew I had to think of a different approach to explaining where his daddy was. I didn’t want my son to think going to jail was ever okay.
Until his dad was transferred up state I tried to keep up with weekly visits to Rikers Island. With being a full time student in college and a full time employee that extra obligation was draining at times. Even though dad was in jail I still wanted them to keep the bond that they had. There is nothing like that father and son bond, it’s a beautiful thing. I hated to see that my son was getting accustom to the routines of the visit. Which includes striping and shaking out articles of clothing. Of course a toddler wouldn’t understand how degrading all that really feels so he would mechanically do it all with a smile. Happy that he remembered exactly what to do. As if knowing was a good thing but it wasn’t. I would never tell him that though. Just knowing that my son was happy to see his dad was good enough for me so I would smile back.
Now that my son is about to be 4. He understands the situation a little more adequately now. He understands that Daddy is being punished for hurting someone and that hurting people is very bad thing. He really misses his dad now that he was recently transferred upstate, but the 8 hour bus rides are annoying and makes visiting a once and a blue moon thing. Not to mention the 40 ticket for children and 50 dollar ticket for adults. Every step of the way is definitely a learning experience for both my son and I, but I have to do my best to stay focused on what ever is best for my son!

QUESTION FOR MY READERS: HOW WOULD YOU GO ABOUT EXPLAINING TO YOUR TODDLER THAT DADDY IS IN JAIL(DOING A 5 YEAR BID)?